My Day!

December 9th 2009...
It was such a wonderful day in my life… Everyone around me made it so beautiful and memorable… My b’day.

All my friends and relatives called from all the parts of the globe to convey their wishes…Not that I don’t get wished every year; I do; but not 250 people…
Things sound to have suddenly changed… for good!

Vikas got me a new tambura sruti box… such bliss to sing along that sruti early in the morning.
Art for art sake?
Nope.
Art for my sake!

I sink in the experience again.
Only feeling.
No words!

Awareness

It is a pretty good evening. After singing for unusually long, I thought I should keep quiet.
For a moment, it appeared to me that the entire world is sleeping.
Silent.
No.
I realized that I have become less sensitive to the sounds around.
Those which rarely capture your attention.
Those which you take most of the times for granted.
I listened…
My heart beat…
My breath…
My saliva flowing in…
I sensed the other movements inside me.
My legs growing numb…
The rush of blood to the left part of my brain…
My blinking…each time with varying frequency…
My lips relaxing, then tightening…
My body attempting to balance my posture…

The hustle of the leaves in gentle breeze…
I open my eyes… being aware of the present…
Being aware of self…?
Being aware of awareness…?
Am I…?
I…
What is ‘awareness’?

Rewind, Pause, Live

Every time, I feel like capturing a moment, I feel for sure that it was the most beautiful moment that I have ever lived.
I re-live it. And console myself that those moments are eternal, for I can always fly back, live in those moments and come back to present.
Another moment.
Another hour.
Another day.
Again.
Then again.
Stacking my eternalized experiences.
Rewind.

Today was another day of such moments.
In Niagara today.
Which moment can I afford to miss?
Which moment can I afford not to capture?
The holy mist
The heavenly spray
The swaying on the waves
The thundering roar of the falls
The hooting wind
The prickly cold after drenching

I close my eyes.
I fly towards those thick strong clouds.
I look down and I see a heavy shining silver jewellery on a rich green apparel.
I zoom in until the green leaves feel my arm and the silver mist kisses my cheeks.

I float.
There is no rewind.
Paused forever.

Going beyond

It is a long time since I wrote as I was running around to get my baby’s and my visa done to get to the United States of America. Yes, I’m finally here in the US; joined my hubby and celebrated our son’s 2nd b’ day together.
While writing this, I cannot but remember what made me sit here and tell you all these…. I just wished that I should be here before Aug 10th; but it was my brother in law who made my wish come true. Right from passport application to printing tickets, it was he who was more enthusiastic.
What amazed me the most was that when there was a time I gave up and thought that nothing worked; when the passports were not delivered when we assumed they will be, it was he who took two days’ leave, went to Chennai, waited there for almost two days to collect them personally. If we had chosen them to be delivered by courier, I am sure I would still be waiting for them back in Bangalore.

Certain actions may appear weird and freaky to some people; but to me what he did touched my heart. That was indeed going beyond.. Perhaps I may not be able to return anything at all.

But some people are made up of such stuff, which the ordinary mortals never end up even thinking…
For them, what matters the most are people around them… and they do everything possible and the so-imagined impossible too. Just unconditionally. That’s the sheer beauty of them!

July 24

Sometimes when there is so much to say and when many things are happening around you, you fail to write. You struggle to control your thoughts enough to record them! I am going through that ‘phenomenon’ now. I wanted to scribble a lot of things for quite some days that I ended up reading and thinking and failed to put my thoughts down.
I was going through many other blogs; I just love reading them.
Finally I thought I should write something… at least about my inability to write…

Feeling great early this morning because I gifted someone on his b’day. The day before yesterday, I gifted some one else; a couple of days before, I bought gifts for my baby for his b’day; a week before I gifted my brother-in-law….
This month, I have been giving gifts… a lot of people around whom I care for. It is nice.
The world around me is so beautiful…
I realize, I am unable to write.
I get back to thinking.